What You Should Think About to Last Longer during Sex

1) When you’re having sex, you should be enjoying yourself—not thinking about a billionaire’s combover

2) Distracting yourself to avoid pulling the trigger just doesn’t work, says Michael Perelman, Ph.D., a clinical professor of psychology and reproductive medicine at Cornell University. 

Coming too quickly is very often a matter of anxiety, not arousal, says David Rowland, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Valparaiso University. 

When you feel yourself rapidly approaching blastoff, you start to worry. And, like a sexual snowball effect, that worrying fires up your nervous system in ways that speed up ejaculation, Rowland explains. 

To last longer, you need to calm your anxious brain, not try to stuff it with non-sexual images. 

And how do you do that? Focus on the incredibly awesome sex you’re having. “If you’re enjoying the sensations of sex, you’re not focusing on thoughts of, ‘What if I finish too soon,’ ” Rowland says.

Try to pick out something specific, like your partner’s lips, her breathing, or the movement of her hips or shoulders, suggests Rowland.

Say what? If that sounds surprising to you, you’re not alone: We had to ask Rowland twice if we were understanding this correctly. After all, wouldn’t focusing more on her body and your pleasure send you to a speedier conclusion?