“It was my first wet dream – one of only about three or four in my life. I think I was 14. I lived in a joint family and had two elder cousins that I used to share a room with.
Dirty thoughts
“My other cousins from Delhi used to come to spend their summer vacation with us in Dehradun and we used to end up sleeping two to three kids on one bed.
“My other cousins from Delhi used to come to spend their summer vacation with us in Dehradun and we used to end up sleeping two to three kids on one bed.
“My father told me wash up and change and then called me to his room for a “chat”. He started grilling me nonstop. Had I been watching ‘BFs’ – blue films, a euphemism for porn films. Was I reading novels again? Was I thinking dirty thoughts about women?
Pervert
“He warned me that I was going astray and if this continued happening then I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my studies. But the whole time that he was interrogating me he couldn’t bring himself to say exactly what I had done wrong.
“He warned me that I was going astray and if this continued happening then I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my studies. But the whole time that he was interrogating me he couldn’t bring himself to say exactly what I had done wrong.
“I broke down at the end of it. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I was doing something bad without even knowing I was doing it. I felt like a pervert.
Cure
“What followed was a hush of unusual silence. My cousins avoided me because they didn’t want to do anything to anger my father. And my mother didn’t even look me in the eye for a week.
Cure
“What followed was a hush of unusual silence. My cousins avoided me because they didn’t want to do anything to anger my father. And my mother didn’t even look me in the eye for a week.
While the rest of my cousins had their usual breakfast of milk and paranthas every morning, my mother sternly told me that milk was not good for me and I should have juice instead. Later she announced that I was not allowed to watch television till my father said so. They were coming up with sick home remedies to ‘cure’ me, I guess.
Guilt
“After avoiding me for a couple of days my father called me to his room to have another one of his chats. He said that the no milk no television routine was for my own good. Because if ‘this’ became a habit then I would become weak, not be able to concentrate on my studies and not be able to have kids when I grew up.
Guilt
“After avoiding me for a couple of days my father called me to his room to have another one of his chats. He said that the no milk no television routine was for my own good. Because if ‘this’ became a habit then I would become weak, not be able to concentrate on my studies and not be able to have kids when I grew up.
“I was miserable and racked with guilt. I wanted to be ‘cured’ and I followed their stupid rules in the hope that it would help. But nothing helped and I had other ‘accidents’. Luckily I was quick to cover them up and they never found out.
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